When life suddenly changes and nothing seems to make sense, you are suddenly feel you are adrift in a fog shrouded ocean. Many years ago, after the death of my Dad, I read a story by Pearl Buck that made a strong impression on me. My Mom, like I would be later, was widowed in her 50’s. I wish I had been able to share with her some of the similar feelings we must have shared, but that was not to be. I tried at the time (I was only 27) to tell her about the story, but she did not grasp it the way that I did. The story was about a woman who had just lost her husband, and was spending her first Christmas alone at their vacation cabin. She was very lonely and depressed. In the midst of her solitude, a man from a neighboring cabin came by to see if she needed anything and mentioned his son who was missing in Vietnam. The woman asked about him…the man was overjoyed to tell her that they had heard from the Army, that he was wounded, but alive. She thought about that phrase for a long time and realized that it also applied to her. Part of her life had died, but she had not. She wounded , but still breathing, and needed to bind up her wounds and learn to live with her scars.
That statement had a great influence on me, after I suddenly lost my husband. I am not the same, I still have a hole in my heart, but it beats. Like Tara has advised others, I have learned to share my scars. Surely, whatever I have experienced has not just been for my own benefit. I have had to put thoughts on paper to keep them from bouncing around in my brain and exploding there. Hopefully, some of my words will enable other to do the same. One of those thoughts was inspired by that Pearl Buck story of over 40 years ago.
Waiting for the Wind
My life is like a ship waiting for God to fill the sails
Seemingly becalmed after the stormiest of gales.
Battered but not broken, damaged but afloat,
Wounded but alive, now a single mast boat.
I know not when the wind will freshen,
Bring life to the canvas, and give a new sense of direction.
I only know that He is the Captain of my ship,
The Navigator of my life, the Charter of my course.
Who can say where life will take us?
Who can say why we are here?
What is our real purpose?
The answers aren’t always clear.
I only know that He is in charge. He is my Guiding Star.
Wherever He takes me…how long or how far;
I have no other purpose, no other wish or desire
Than to be what He wants. I cannot aim higher.
Surely as one door has closed, so another will open
To show me His way, without a word being spoken.
I feel His Holy Presence, that Spirit in my heart
Which will guide my every voyage, what ere to be my part.
I cannot go back, I must then go forward
Toward the unknown, the uncharted shore.
Courage He’ll give me; I am His Child.
With Him by my side, I cannot want more.
Linda Miller LLTM © 1-22-2000
Feel free to contact Linda via Facebook (Linda Tracy Miller) or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.